If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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