your thong is hanging out like whoa
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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