I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
