Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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