Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
