remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
