I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
