Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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