You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
