There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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