i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
