I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
