So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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