ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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