the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If I die, sorry about rent.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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