Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
