I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
