My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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