The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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