What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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