im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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