wat bout pragnant strippers??
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
