The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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