i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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