I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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