so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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