So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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