we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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