I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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