Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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