My sheets look like a crime scene.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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