Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
