when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
