cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay?
German.
Pity.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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