Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
