you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
