If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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