I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
