I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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