Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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