He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
