i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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