I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.