I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.