Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man