Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
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She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
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Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.