it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.