One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.