shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
