also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
