This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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