If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
