when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
