I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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