Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
