my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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