Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
nutella sex= disaster
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
PANTIES FOUND
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
