sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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