No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
All I want is dick and wine.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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