i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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