everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
