i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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