He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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