I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
