I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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