I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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