I think my vagina is haunted
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
