If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
