I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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