Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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