Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If I die, sorry about rent.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
