I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
