my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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