what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
